Then I miss my past a little. I miss those feeling of loving someone so badly, so faithfully, so pure and so true. I miss the way I love him with no doubt, carelessly in love without caring of the possibilities of my heart into breaking. I miss to fell in love with my Giraffe.
But he's no longer mine. I wish i could say that, but he's never been mine.
So now I had my Goat. But sometimes there is a time when I think that I'm only his present girlfriend. Sometimes I feel so sad, sometimes I feel nothing. In relationship with him is like a roller coaster, up and down. I don't know what coming next. I don't know what's on his mind.
So I love two person at the same time right now. One is my longest past, and one is my present-real boyfriend. Giraffe never hold my hand, kiss me, hold me into his arms. But Goat? He had doing so much for me. He treat me good (not to remember those bad memories when he don't), he was nursing me when I'm ill, he kiss me goodnight, he reminds me that I still have a heart after a slow heartbreak with Giraffe. He makes me smile, he cheer me up, he makes me feel worthed to love, he makes me see some future with him, even if it's still blur.
I can't make myself choose one at this moment. I love Giraffe, but Goat's much better than him for he take me as I am and he's real. But I can't just love Goat, for Giraffe will always be a part of me. So confused. For now, I'm trying my best to be the best girlfriend for Goat. And at the same moment, i try my best, too, to my career, trying to get a place, a job in future in Singapore.. which is a dream I made when I was so damn in love with Giraffe cause he's living in there.
Gee.
