Closer

And it's getting too close.

I don't-fucking-care to ask to myself if this is love or not. Pals told me that he likes me.. and I'm not sure. I can't believe it easily. I mean, how could it be? Somebody likes me when I'm in bad shape, my skin is over tan and my teeth is a disaster?

But he was walking me home today. And yesterday, and when it was too night to walk alone by myself. And it touched me somehow. I like the way he smiled. It's like the opposite side of his cold face, and I was thought that he's scary when we first met.

It's easier to talk with him while we were alone, just two of us, than in the middle of our friends. He likes to joking. And somehow when he was jokes that he would do anything for me, I really wish that it's not a jokes but truth.

And every time he smiled,
he literally remind me that I still have a heart to beat.

I'm Trying To Talk About Love

I can't remember when the last time I fell in love. Yes, I've been in love before, and the love was ends couple weeks ago. But still, falling in love is a damn-good feeling you won't and you can't compare with other feeling in your existence.

I'm in love, am I? I'm not sure.. but maybe I am. It's not that simple for me to meet someone and pay more attention for him. I'm not that kinda girl who could fall in love so easily. I like a lots of guys.. but none of them I love. In my life, I was love a guy once for a long enough time. I like him like, 4 years and love him (or should I say that I used to dedicated my whole life to him?) for 5 years. It's not easy for me to fall out of love, too. Cause once I love someone, I'll love him for a great long time. I 'm always serious in relationship, so when it failed, I'm not surprised cause true love are hard to find.

Loving someone is big, but I guess being loved is huge. It's bigger than that, for me personally. But when you love someone and somehow, he loves you too, that's the magic of love. That's amazing. That's very huge and beyond the ability to express the right words about love, it's huge.

But being loved, this thoughts makes me wonder.. if somebody loves you, will they always love you? I'm afraid to even think about that.

I Don't Wanna Make A Wish

I don't wanna make a wish. Cause stars couldn't hear me for they're so faraway from here.

I don't wanna make a wish. Four-leaves clover are hard to find.

I don't wanna make a wish. To the moon or the sun or anything, they can't tell how do I look from up above.

And I don't wanna make a wish. Cause when I wish, I hope.

And I don't wanna have any shattered dream cause my wish didn't go well. And I have no genie to ask what I want.

So I don't wanna make a wish. Cause when I broke, it damn hurt and I don't wanna feel that pain anymore.

Let Me..

Let me freeze, let me die

Let me quiver, let me die

Let me hurts, let me cry, let me die

Let me die, but please, don't let me go

Do You Really Own Your Heart?

I believe everybody got a heart. Heart to beating, and heart to feel. Sometimes in life we had a moment when we was under control of our feelings, our emotions and the atmosphere around us. Sadness, happiness or maybe something between them. Someone who truly madly in love would feel like nothing much better than person their love, and someone in mourning would feel gloomy, maybe all the time for a moment.

But have you ever been so numb? No situation could move you from that. In happy time, you just acted the same like you were in sadness. Have you feel that before? Cause this what I feel right now. No overwhelmed pain cause trouble is all control. But that doesn't mean that I'm happy.

Anyway, what the hell is happiness mean? Is it same as joy? Gladness? Or what?
And what sadness is? When someone broke your heart? When someone left you? When someone do you wrong and take you for granted?

Take time for thinking about this. I had a heart. Yes I do. But I asked myself, do I really owned it? Cause sometimes, this time, it feels like my heart and my bodies is apart and they wanderer into a far and distance place.

Introduction

Hello.

It's not my first blog. I'm the owner of House of Bugya and this blog was supposed to be my very first blog. However, I change my mind and left this blog all alone. Kind of selfish, probably, even blog will never be a human being. So today I accidentally type the wrong e-mail and this old pal was opened.. Then I just made up my mind and decide to write my thoughts, the most private one, in here. It's about quotation, poems and just like House of Bugya, maybe something more. I'm crazy about writing so you probably will see my imagination between words and paragraphs. I'll be glad if you read an have me some comment. But please, do not copy it without my permission cause it'll breaking my heart. So enjoy my mind and hope you like it.

Cheers, Lonely Molly